When Life Gives You Lemons
You make that lemonade girl!
Life the past few weeks has been a little sour and not so sweet.
It all started back in April when I found out there was an issue with how my taxes were being reported. Long story short, I found out a pretty big amount had to come out of my pocket to fix the issue. At the time I didn’t think it was going to take my whole savings to fix it... yes that is right. My savings account was drawn down to zero. ZERO. By this time next year I was planning on purchasing my first home and starting a new chapter in my life... That has been put in pause for now.
Since then I’ve felt like everything has just been against me. Like I couldn’t catch a second to breathe and I just kept being underwater... and clearly drowning.
This is such a small thing, but I have always played the little lottery scratchers and I kid you not I have always ALWAYS won something. Either what I put in and sometimes doubled my profits (I mean put $20 in and walk out with $50 was a #blessedday) but this time I had 12 scratchers and walked out with $0 in hand. Like what!? What was going on and then...
One night I woke up with the worst pain I’ve ever felt. My chest and left arm felt like all my nerves were set on fire and like my body was too heavy for my chest. It felt like my heart was being squeezed out of my body and I couldn't do anything about it. Then it stopped and left behind the same pain a leg cramp would leave. A soreness that hurt when I drank coffee, felt stressed... and then I panicked. Was I experiencing sighs of a heart attack at 24!? the chances of that are one in a million. But I was there, my body was there, the pain was there. Had I been ignoring my physical and mental health for so long that it had come down to this? yes. I had.
The doctors visit that day consisted of a panic of emotions and reminders that I come first, my health comes first and that nothing else in this world is more important than that. Which should be pretty obvious but had I ignored that for days, weeks, maybe months?... I panicked. Things in my life seem to always be stressful. Between work, family, a dog and trying to have somewhat of a social life, I never really get to catch my breath. I went home that day and decided I needed to slow down, stress less and force myself to relax. Take a day at the time.
What really did it for me was this past weekend waking up and seeing a cockroach climbing on my arm. Talk about a literal wake up call... that day I decided I'd had enough of the this bad energy all around. My living space and everything around me just felt out of place, like some bad juju had entered my life. Since then I’ve cleaned every corner of my apartment and saged it to get rid of whatever was going on.
To me, energy is everything. I tend to stay away from people and places that drain my energy. Sometimes I’ll walk in a space and I’ll instantly feel the weight of the energy or meet someone new and leave feeling like a heavy load was put on my shoulders. I know it can sound odd but I’ll even get a sense of stress or anxiety without the other person saying anything. Surprisingly enough my place started to feel that way, like a weight had been brought in. To cleanse my space and get rid of this bad juju I used the white sage kit by Tatum & Shea and couldn’t be happier. It felt like I could breathe and think again.
Maybe there was a point to all of this. I am being forced to humble myself and render to the things I can’t control, I have to start over. While I’m still processing, I’ve focused in the good at this moment. I’m healthy (I think), my loved and close ones are here with me and in good health, I get to come home to little ray of sunshine and I’m with someone that is there through the good and the bad, keeping my head up every step of the way. But most importantly in the past year my mental health has come so far, that at this point I’m so determined on making sure these things don’t change that. At the end of the day things will be ok. Just another bump in the road and I’m learning to let go of things that are just out of my control... trying to make this lemonade a little sweeter. After all, you can’t make lemonade without some lemons!