Updated: Jun 3, 2019
Happy Friday Eve babes! I am so ready for the weekend!
The past 2 weeks have been absolutely draining (when is it not) trying to meet deadlines, expectations and goal setting isn’t easy. I often find time slipping away from me and with a billion things still on my to do list. Lately, I have been reflecting on the past two years and where I want to be in the next two and what kind of “to do list” I need to be checking off. The reality is that, that checklist has been in constant change sometimes changing too quickly for me to catch up and sometimes too slow for my patience.
Its been almost two years since I graduated from the greatest university ever #godawgs and since then I feel like life has put me up to test in so many ways.
This was almost 2 years ago... scary.
I’ve had to make some of the hardest decisions in the past two years. I used to have a few years “figured out” in my head, which totally changed in the fall after graduation. When I say I was panicking, I was really panicking. No one prepares you to face that amount of change so quickly and no one warns you how hard you can hit the adulting wall. You go from worrying about tests and happy hours to contributing to your 401k and making sure your savings accounts can cover you for a rainy day or two.
In the fall after graduation, I was faced with some of the most difficult decisions I’ve made not only in my career (thus far I guess) but also in my personal life. After coming to the conclusion of what was best for me, I decided to move into my very first big girl apartment in December 2017. No roommates, no college campus. Just me and my big girl bags.
You could technically say I moved out of my parents house at 18, when I went away to college. I craved independence and individuality so badly that I promised myself I would never move back #sorrymom. I have always been pretty independent but being 100% on your own is a game changer. Keeping up with a whole place isn’t easy. Paying real bills and having to pay attention to turning the lights off and that rent is due and that the filters need to be changed and keeping up with a full time + and... you get my point. I pretty much turned into my mom. Not that I hadn’t done this before but there was always a “team” of us taking care of these things and just felt more like college living then.
The most difficult thing was realizing that I was alone in this apartment. There was no coming home to my best friends, no morning coffees together and no 24/7 in house support system.
Shout out to these two babes for being such great humans when I needed them the most (love you boos)
I defineltly think you should live by yourself before you make the jump to live with your SO. Learn to be on your own and get comfortable with being alone. This was extremly difficult for me at the beginning because I was still dealing with depression and anxiety. With time I have learned that taking care of our emotional state is just as important as anything else, when I saw myself in need of help, I got it and I’m damn proud of it. Change can be difficult, especially drastic and unplanned change. And that’s ok, you will find yourself again when you thought you were lost and you will learn to love the new person you decide to become.
I will say this has been a real bumpy ride but I’m having fun. I love being able to come home when I want, be as loud as I want and do things on my time. However, I do very much miss seeing friends everyday and our late night conversations and our weekend adventures (NYC I’m coming for you soon)
Getting an apartment and paying bills is a breeze compared to amount of pressure that is put on you to know what happens next. What will be your next career move? What is your 10 year plan? Are you happy? Are you buying a house? Are you renting forever? Are you where you want to be?... I can drown you in these questions and I honestly don’t have a single answer to any of them.
I don’t know if I’m the only one but the plan after high school was to go to college, graduate in something I could use to make money (yes that was my plan), get a job and that was it. My plan ended there. I was on a set path in college so I knew exactly what I needed to do to get where I wanted. And now here I am with no set path to take, no college counselor to tell me what is best and a whole lot of options. For some of you this sounds great, the world is yours. But for me this is frustrating. I’m still figuring what I want and how to #livemybestlife and still make this bread! .... and trust me I wasn’t worried about this two years ago. My biggest concern was making sure I didn’t get any 8ams and that I always had time for an afternoon nap #collegelifedudeee
I mean if this doesn’t give you the best Athens vibes then idk what will.
Then to make life a little more stressful you really, I mean REALLY start worring about your parents and their health and am I doing the right thing and am I making the most of the time with them and are they happy and how can I help and wow. It’s a lot.
And to put a cherry on top, you feel lost all the time. I mean all the time... but the most beautiful part about all of this is that it forces you to put things into perspective and pushes you to get out there. It creates this hunger for you to lead a life you will be proud of, makes you focus on finding a path or two of where you see yourself being, it makes you curious of whats outside of your comfort zone and it always makes you question what if you take the next step or take a leap of faith into what you dream of. As uncomfortable as I am, I’m enjoying figuring things out. You cannot grow with in your comfort zone. Remember that.
If you thought this was going to end with some magical answer.... then here it is.....
lol jk. I’m still lost and trying to figure it out. But you know what. That is ok. We are all ok. It is easier to plan ahead with always keeping in mind: if I am not happy now, how can I change that? If I am not where I want to be. how can I get there? Things don’t always have to be as you planned, as long as you know you’re on your way there.